


permanent vacation

by t_hens



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Explicit Sexual Content, Introspection, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Mentions of alcohol, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 02:52:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_hens/pseuds/t_hens
Summary: there are a lot of things in Dan's life that he regrets: staying in university instead of pursuing Youtube, not taking a chance and moving to London, not following his instincts and kissing Phil that first night on the Manchester Eye. now he's stuck at a job he hates and married to someone he's not sure he likes, let alone loves.when he bumps into Phil one night, all of the regrets from his past make an unwelcome appearance, causing him to be transported back to his first meeting with Phil.why this particular time? and this particular moment? only time will tell.





	permanent vacation

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally written for the Phandom Big Bang but unfortunately I was not able to keep participating in it, but I still wanted post my fic.
> 
> beta done by [queerly-cute](http://queerly-cute.tumblr.com/) and a special thank you to [fourthingsandawizard](https://fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com/) who was always there with advice and just general loveliness.
> 
> EDIT: Rachel ([fourthingsandawizard](fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com)) is the loveliest person in the world and made a moodboard to accompany this fic which you can view [here](https://fourthingsandawizard.tumblr.com/post/178679989752/i-am-in-no-way-shape-or-form-an-artist-but-i)

Dan hated Fridays, which he knew was probably weird, but whatever. Friday’s were when everyone in his law firm got extra chatty about their weekend plans and he was too polite to tell them that he didn’t _care_. He didn’t care that Carol’s sister was getting married this weekend, or Jim’s wife had a potluck at their church, or Greg’s wife’s second cousin’s daughter was turning 10. He just wanted to do his work and keep to himself.

Friday also meant spending the whole weekend with his wife, and she would pester him about getting that promotion that he would rather die than pursue. Or she would remind him that he needed a haircut, or that the weekend clothes he was wearing were too “depressing and weird.” The whole weekend usually felt like a playlist of “things that Samantha didn’t like about Dan,” and honestly he was sick of it.

Still, every time he thought about leaving he thought about his parents, who had introduced them. He knew how upset they would be that he was throwing his “perfect life away over nothing.” Anytime he brought up how lifeless he felt these days, especially in his marriage, his Dad told him to “toughen up,” and his Mum told him that all marriages went through rough patches.

Rough patch? He almost snorted at his desk at work. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually felt excited to see his wife. Or to go home. He hated his job, yet five days a week he would find himself dawdling, trying to find extra work to do in order to stay a little longer than necessary just to delay the inevitable argument waiting for him at home about whatever stupid thing it was he did - or didn’t do - that morning before he left. 

He looked at his watch and saw that it was past five and glanced around the office. Everyone else had started to pack up their bags and purses and put on their jackets, but he looked around his desk to see if there was anything he could work on that could buy him a few more minutes. His search turned up nothing and he was left with no other option but to put on his coat and backpack and follow his co-workers out to the lift.

Everyone exclaimed when they saw him leaving on time and asked if he had special plans. He shook his head and tried to avoid conversation the best he could. When the lift finally let them out on the lobby floor, Dan practically ran to the doors so that he could try and get to the bus before the rest of the group could follow.

He managed to secure a spot on the crowded bus just as the doors closed and chugged away. Dan put in his headphones and tried to clear his head a bit and relax before he got home. No matter how good or bad of a day he had, things would always get worse when he got home. Even if they didn’t fight, things were still tense and weird between them. Sometimes he wondered if everyone’s marriages felt like this, but knew this couldn’t possible be true. His parents, as misguided as they were, seemed to genuinely be happy, and most couples he knew seemed to be, too.

When he unlocked the door, the smell of meatloaf filled his nostrils and made him want to gag a little. He well and truly hated meatloaf, something Samantha knew, so it seemed to be a meal they ate often. He took off his backpack and jacket and hung them up on the rack by the door, taking his shoes off, too. He made his way into the living room where Samantha was sitting on the couch with Sox, their cat (really her cat, it hated Dan with a passion), watching the news.

“Hi,” Dan said, sitting in the chair next to the couch.

“Hi,” she replied, a little listless.

Better than a fight, Dan thought to himself and settled in to watch the news. They didn’t exchange any other words until she got up and yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Dan groaned quietly at the thought of choking down more meatloaf, but made his way to the dining room and tucked into the meal.

“So, how was your day?” he asked, attempting at some conversation. She glanced up at him and fixed her dark eyes on him.

“It was fine,” she said a bit coolly. “My dad called and said you didn’t apply for that Legal Analyst position.”

Dan didn’t reply, just poked at his grey lump of meat on his plate. He was well aware of the fact that he didn’t apply for that position. The fact that he had a law degree and was only a paralegal drove her mad, and she never let him forget that it was her father who got him that job in the first place. She was always pushing him to take other jobs and go for promotions, and whenever he tried to explain that he hated the job he already had, she practically saw red. It was never a good night in the house when his job was brought up.

“I’m just not interested,” Dan mumbled.

Samantha slammed her fork down. She started to open her mouth to yell or maybe just lecture him, but Dan stood up before she had a chance and began putting on his jacket and shoes.

“Where are you going?” she demanded, throwing her long red hair out of her face.

“To the store.” Dan didn’t say anything else and shut the door before she could reply.

Normally he would take the bus, but he decided to walk, needing the fresh air to try and clear his head and calm him down a little. He hated fighting more than anything, but it seemed like no matter what he did, there was always something. If he didn’t try it was a fight, and if he did try, he was doing the wrong things. 

There was nothing in his life that was going in the way that he truly thought he wanted it to. True, it was going the way that made his parents happy, and the way that was expected of him; he had a fancy(ish) job at a respectable law firm, an objectively attractive wife, a nice house in a good suburb. These were all things that a lot of people worked their whole lives for, and all he wanted to do was run away from it.

He headed toward the first store he could find, a fancy wine and cheese market store a few blocks from his house, and ducked inside. He walked around each aisle, not really planning on buying anything but wanting to kill time before he had to go back to the house. He rounded a corner, not really paying attention, and walked straight into someone standing in the middle of an aisle. Dan bounced back and stumbled over his feet before falling and landing squarely on his butt.

“Oh my God! I’m so sorry!” the stranger said, placing their basket down and reaching to help him up.

“It’s fine,” Dan said a little shortly, using their outstretched hand to right himself. 

It wasn’t until he had pulled himself up that he recognized the person who was standing in front of him.

“Phil?” he said, “Phil Lester?” 

Phil squinted at him for a second before his eyes widened in recognition.

“Dan! Oh my God, how are you?” He pulled Dan in for a hug and Dan awkwardly returned it before he pulled away.

“I’m doing good, how have you been? What are you doing in Manchester? I thought you were living in London.” 

“Oh, I still am, I’m just in town for Mum and Dad’s anniversary. I’m in charge of picking up some more wine.” He pointed to the basket full of an assortment of wines. Dan nodded and took a second to really get a good look at him. 

Phil looked even better than Dan remembered, and better than the internet made him look. He was a few years older than the last time Dan had seen him, and the age showed a little around his eyes and the way he held himself. He looked like a man now, not an insecure kid who was still unsure about what he was doing with his life. His new hairdo, his dyed black hair pushed up into a quiff, and the black pair of Ray Ban style glasses suited him, and Dan had to remind himself not to stare, or at least less than he already had been.

“I’ve seen a few of your videos, they're really good.” Dan blurted it out before he had a chance to filter his words. 

Phil blushed a little, but looked pleasantly surprised to hear this.

“I’m glad to hear that! What about you? Are you still working on YouTube? What are you doing these days? It’s been a long time…” 

This last part was tacked on a bit quieter, almost as if he didn’t quite want Dan to hear. Dan looked down at his shoes and scuffed the floor a bit. He felt guilt burn through his body at the reminder that it had been so long since he had spoken to Phil. Close to five years since they had texted more than one or two words to each other a few times a year. They still always texted on birthdays and holidays, but Dan couldn’t recall the last time they had an actual conversation with each other. 

“Uh - no. I haven’t been doing YouTube since uni. I work at my father-in-law’s law firm.”

Dan saw Phil’s eyes glance down to his wedding ring and then back to his eyes and thought his smile became a little too bright, what Dan always thought of as AmazingPhil wall, coming up. 

“Well, I hope you’re doing good. I should probably go soon. Everyone’s waiting for me. It was nice to see you.” 

Phil gave a small wave and another too bright smile and left the aisle before Dan could properly say goodbye, leaving him feeling a little shell shocked from the whole interaction. The small shop suddenly seemed stiffeling, so he found the exit as fast as he could without running and headed for the nearest bus stop. 

He sat down on the bench and rested his head in his hands. Seeing Phil had really thrown him for a loop. It brought him back to the early years of their friendship, when he was still young and carefree and didn’t completely hate his life. Things had been so easy with Phil. From the moment they had started talking, there had been an instant connection between them, and Dan missed it more than he had realized. 

A million things that he regretted ran through his mind all at once; quitting YouTube, staying in uni to complete a degree he hated, marrying someone he didn’t love, not maintaining his friendship with Phil or, even more, not trying to pursue something more with Phil when he had the chance to. 

He scrubbed his hands over his face furiously. There was no point dwelling on these things now. His life was how it was, and whether he liked it or not, he just had to deal with it. He stood up and started the walk back to his house. 

Random memories of times he had spent with Phil kept cropping up, things he hadn’t thought about in years. Seeing Phil seemed to have unblocked a dam in Dan’s mind that he had done a pretty good job of keeping blocked most of the time. Sure he occasionally would watch one of Phil’s videos, or creep through his social media profiles, but seeing him in person, and the authentic Phil _he_ knew, not the persona that Phil put on, really seemed to have rattled something in Dan’s brain loose.

The house was quiet when Dan came in, and he was infinitely thankful for that, as he did not have the energy to fight. He hung up his coat and took off his shoes, quietly making his way to the bathroom and running some cold water over his face. He brushed his teeth and slipped into the bedroom, trying to find some pajamas in the dark room without waking up Samantha. He climbed into bed and laid there for a moment and realized how tired he was. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, happy to find that he was being pulled into sleep so quickly, ready for a quick break from reality.

**

Dan blinked awake. He took in his surroundings and felt a wave of confusion. Train? When had he gotten on a train? He glanced down at his phone and almost dropped it. Why was his phone so old? He could see the stuffy businessman sitting across from him giving him a dirty look, making him shift in his seat. He unlocked his phone and saw there was a new text, and when he clicked on the message he felt like he might throw up.

From Phil: Can’t wait for you to get here ^_^ I’m already at the station waiting for you!  
(Delivered at 9:23 Monday October 19, 2009)

He looked around again and really looked. He vaguely recognized what he was wearing, a t-shirt and a button up he thought Phil would like the day they met. He had a duffel bag setting under his seat and everything looked just a little bit dated. Everyone’s hair and clothing looked like it could have passed for modern, but someone who had seen 2018 knew well enough to spot the difference. 

He was really freaking out at this point. Why was he back here? Why had his consciousness suddenly been thrown back nine years? 

He jumped when the train conductor announced that they were arriving at Manchester Piccadilly, and Dan felt truly panicked now. Was he supposed to just meet Phil like normal? Pretend things were okay? He didn’t think he could do that! Maybe Phil would believe him. Maybe Phil had been thrown back into this timeline, too. 

When the train stopped, he practically ran off of it, eager to get any answers that he could. It took a few minutes but he spotted Phil, craning his long neck and searching for him. He sprinted towards him and before he could think twice about it, he threw his arms around Phil and hugged him tightly. Phil grunted a little at the sudden collision.

“Dan?” he asked. 

Dan pulled back and gazed up at Phil. The confusion on his face was enough to tell Dan that, no, Phil was not also in some alternate timeline. This really was 2009 Phil with his teal plaid button up shirt and birds nest hair. Dan felt like he wanted to cry. He had been hoping that Phil knew what was going on too, but he looked just as confused as Dan felt. Dan pulled back and unwrapped his arms from around Phil. 

“Everything okay?” Phil asked gently. 

Dan hesitated. 

Would it be better to tell Phil and hope he understood? He would probably think that Dan was crazy. He decided the best option was probably to just not say anything and try and figure things out on his own.

“Uh - yea. Just happy to see you,” he said a little lamely, but Phil smiled brilliantly at him. 

“I’m happy to see you, too! Let’s go get a coffee, you’re probably tired.” Phil pulled Dan towards the Starbucks that Dan knew was around the corner. 

They got inside and Dan told Phil he wanted a Caramel Macchiato, and Phil grinned and laughed just like Dan remembered he did. The whole situation was a like a weird extended episode of deja vu. 

Phil collected their drinks and they sat at the comfy couch in the corner. Dan sat closer to Phil than he probably did the first time, but he was nervous about all of this and having a link to something familiar felt nice. Plus, Phil didn’t seem to mind. He was smiling all big and goofy at Dan like he was so excited to see him, and Dan had to remember that Phil _was_ excited to see him. 

This was their first time meeting; Phil didn’t have all of the memories and knowledge of their years of friendship that Dan did. Even though they hadn’t really spoken to each other a whole lot these past few years, Dan still remembered how easy their friendship was. 

Phil bumped his shoulder a little to shake him out of his reverie. Dan shook his head to get out of his head a little and tried to smile. He was still really confused and even a little scared, but having Phil there helped a lot more than he could have imagined. If he had been alone, he would have been going crazy, and would have been full on terrified. 

“So, what do you wanna do today?” Phil asked, taking a drink of his coffee. 

Dan tried to think back to that day and remember what they did. Maybe this whole thing was just recreating their day exactly as it was? What had they done after Starbucks? He racked his brain for a moment until the memory of their cringy photobooth selfie in the Apple Store came to mind.

“Could we maybe go to the Apple Store and take a photo for Dailybooth?” Dan said, rubbing the back of his neck a bit nervously. 

Phil loved the idea, urging Dan to finish his coffee so they could go. Dan smiled a little at his enthusiasm and tried to drink his coffee as quick as he could without burning his mouth.

When they were finished, they walked to the Apple Store and took the photo that Dan remembered. Dan did the pose that he knew he was supposed to, but he knew it was a bit more forced and awkward than it should have been. Phil didn’t seem to notice and posted it to both their profiles. They walked around for a little bit before they headed to the Sky Bar, which Phil kept trying to call the “big surprise.” 

The view was better than he remembered, and for a minute he really was struck with how beautiful Manchester looked. They got their table and ordered drinks, Dan insisting on paying, knowing that Phil wouldn’t let him even though the place was far too expensive for him. It made Dan feel a little warm to know that Phil had tried so hard to make the day a nice for him, and had been trying to impress him. 

They sipped their drinks and looked out at the view, just enjoying each others company. The way they could sit in comfortable silence was something that Dan missed about their friendship. Things never felt like this with Samantha. Things were either silent between them or they were tense. Even in the beginning of their relationship, there had never been the ease like Dan felt with Phil. 

Dan frowned a little. It occurred to him that this was the first time he had thought of Samantha all day. He should have felt worried about what was going on with her, he should be worried about getting back to her, but instead his first reaction upon waking up here had been relief that he was here with Phil, even if it wasn’t the Phil from his timeline. 

He decided he couldn’t dwell on it now. 

Dan looked over to Phil and noticed that he was staring at him. He looked away when he was caught, pink staining his cheeks. Dan couldn’t remember that happening before, but it could have been because _he_ had always been so busy staring at Phil that Phil had never gotten the chance. The thought made a blush rise to Dan’s cheeks and he looked away. 

“You almost ready to go?” Phil asked. Dan nodded and they headed towards the elevators. 

Dan knew they were headed towards the Manchester Wheel, and didn’t know if he was prepared for this. He had always regretted this part of the evening because he had wanted to kiss Phil and hadn’t, but now wasn’t the time for that. He needed to get back to his timeline, and the best way to do that was to relive the day exactly as it had been, or at least Dan hoped.

They boarded their cart, Phil murmuring how excited he was that they got their own. Dan nodded a bit stiffly. They slowly moved up towards the top of the wheel, and Dan tried to just focus on the view and not the obvious tension between them. He could remember why he had wanted to kiss Phil so badly that first time; the air between them was practically pulsing, but he kept his body angled slightly away so that he could subtly keep space between them. If he didn’t, he wasn’t sure he would be able to resist the urge that had apparently come from nowhere. 

Well, not _nowhere_. He cared deeply about Phil, even after all these years, and seeing him yesterday had brought up all sorts of emotions that Dan thought that he had tampered down or gotten rid of. Maybe these feelings were just because he was back in this teenage body and his hormones were out of control?

Dan could feel Phil standing close and their arms brushing against each other’s. He glanced towards Phil, who was smiling at him gently. Dan smiled back, the first real smile he had all day. 

“I’ve had a lot of fun today,” Phil said quietly.

Dan nodded. “Me too.” 

He kept his voice quiet, afraid to pop the bubble of serenity that seemed to be cast over them. Phil was still smiling, but Dan could see his eyes flicker occasionally towards his lips. Dan quickly looked back out towards the city. They couldn’t kiss. That wasn’t how the day went. That wouldn’t get him home. Plus he was technically married, right? He couldn’t just kiss someone else. He started to feel a bit panicked, but took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Phil wouldn’t do anything he wasn’t okay with, he knew that without a doubt. If he could just keep his body faced away and resist his own desires, they could get out of there without anything happening.

Dan opened his eyes and looked back over to Phil. His eyebrows were furrowed a bit and he was looking questioningly at Dan. 

“You okay?” he asked softly. 

“Yeah, just feeling a bit dizzy.” 

Phil reached out, but all of the tension between them had disappeared, Phil’s instincts going straight to comfort. 

“Let’s get you out of here and to bed okay?” 

Dan nodded, his heart swelling. Phil had always been so gentle and caring, being sure Dan was okay and taken care of. Their cart touched the ground and they stepped off, Phil insisting on carrying Dan’s bag and keeping a gentle hand on his arm. They boarded the bus that would take them back to Phil’s house and they fell into an easy silence, Dan’s head far too busy to try and make conversation.

When they arrived, Phil insisted on giving Dan a tour and Dan almost told him there was no need since he already knew the house, but caught himself just in time. _This_ Dan had never been there, had never stayed there for whole weeks at a time even. So he followed Phil around the house and tried to show as much surprise and interest in each weird and quirky thing that Phil showed him, even though he had seen them all a million times.

“Well, that’s it, that’s the house. Are you feeling well enough to watch a movie or something, or do you just want to go to bed?”

Dan knew what he wanted; he wanted to just go to sleep and try and get home, but he knew what the rest of this night held for him.

“A movie sounds great. How about Wall-E?” 

Phil smiled widely, leading him to his room where he had already set up a cot for Dan and started getting the DVD ready in his laptop. Dan gathered his pajamas and toothbrush out of his bag and stepped into the bathroom. He ran cold water over his face and took a few deep breaths. He could do this. Just a few more hours and then he would be home and out of this weird time traveling daydream thing he was in. 

When he returned to the room, Phil had also changed and was laying on his bed, waiting for Dan. Dan gulped a little at the thought of having to share such a small space for so long, but dropped his clothes on his cot and crawled in next to Phil. Dan gave a timid smile, which Phil returned, and they turned to watch the movie. Or at least Dan tried. 

He was all too aware of how close they were laying on the bed, and how good Phil smelled. And he couldn’t be sure which feelings were his, and which feelings were his 18 year old body’s. He wanted to press himself against Phil and wanted to kiss him, but did he? His mind was a swirl of want and confusion and guilt, and it was starting to give him a headache. 

He pressed his hands to his temples and started to massage them in an attempt to ease the ache. Phil paused the movie and looked over.

“You okay?” 

“Yeah, just a headache.” 

Phil frowned a little, a crease forming between his eyebrows that Dan had a sudden urge to smooth out. 

“Do you want to call it a night?” 

Dan nodded, starting to climb out of the bed. Phil stopped him, gently grabbing his wrist.

“Wait, you can sleep here if you want. That cot is really uncomfortable.” Dan froze a little, glancing back and forth between the bed and the cot. 

He knew what he wanted, and what his body was screaming that it wanted. But if he did that, there was no way he could go the whole night without something happening, even if it was on a subconscious level. He also knew the cot was where he slept that first night and he needed to stay on track.

“No, it’s okay. I’m a bed hog, that would be terrible for you.” Dan tacked on a slightly phoney sounding laugh and made his way to the cot. 

“Oh, okay.” 

Dan tried to ignore how hurt Phil sounded, so he just got into bed and said good night. Phil returned his good night and they laid in their first awkward silence of the day. The pounding in Dan’s head was increasing little by little, making him want to groan. He closed his eyes and tried to focus on sleep. He felt his head give a final pound before he drifted off for the night. 

**

Dan could hear the sound of the train before he even opened his eyes. He stubbornly kept them shut, trying to force himself back to sleep, knowing it was futile; he was back to where he started. He blinked his eyes open slowly and wanted to groan out loud. Sure enough, he was back in his train seat, hurtling towards Manchester. The business man from yesterday was scowling at him again; apparently he just hated him. Dan pulled his phone from his pocket and saw the text from Phil just like he knew he would.

He threw his head back in frustration. 

He thought back to yesterday; what had he done so wrong? He knew he was more nervous and awkward than maybe he had been originally, bringing more of his 2018 personality forward than he should have. He took a deep breath and resolved to do things _exactly_ as things had been. Being weird and scared obviously wasn’t getting him anywhere, so he just needed to relax and have fun with Phil, just like he had that day and he could get back to his timeline. 

The train came to a stop and instead of running off, he took his time, making his way to Phil calmly like he remembered. When Phil’s long profile came into profile he gave a smile and awkward wave and Phil smiled back and opened his arms for a hug. Dan went willingly into his arms, thankful for the familiar contact, but didn't linger. He pulled back and smiled happily at Phil.

“I can’t believe you’re really here!” Phil said happily, raking his eyes over Dan as if he was some sort of daydream. The attention made Dan’s cheeks turn pink, but he just giggled a little and smiled.

“Let’s get some coffee, you must be tired.”

They went to their Starbucks and ordered Caramel Macchiatos, tucking themselves into the couch in the corner, Dan making sure to keep a reasonable amount of space between them. They chatted for a bit, ease and warmth filling Dan’s chest. Though he was frustrated that he was still in some generic episode of Doctor Who, Dan was happy to be with Phil. He was realizing more and more that he missed him, and he wished that he hadn’t let them fall out of contact all those years ago.

They finished their coffees and Dan suggested the Apple store like he knew was next and they walked over, shoulders bumping into each other occasionally, making Dan grin a little. They took the picture, Dan feeling a bit more relaxed and natural today. They posted them and wandering around aimlessly, started their trek to the Sky Bar, Phil chattering excitedly about ‘how awesome this surprise was.’ His enthusiasm was contagious and Dan felt happier and more buoyant than he remembered feeling in years. 

They ate and drank their hideously expensive meal, Dan teasing Phil a little about how he was showing off for him. The comment made Phil’s cheeks become an adorable scarlet color and Dan felt that urge to kiss him rear its head. He looked away towards the skyline and tired to focus on what he needed to do to get through the rest of the night, knowing that kissing Phil was not on the list. 

When he knew he had a grip on himself he glanced back to Phil, happier to see that he was back to his normal coloring and was looking out at the city, a contemplative look on his face. Dan was about to ask if he was okay when the waiter interrupted and brought them the bill, Phil swooping and grabbing it before Dan could even look at it, making him giggle a little.

Once they paid, they headed towards the Manchester Eye, Dan feeling his stomach starting to tie in knots. Everything always came back to this moment. Any regrets with his relationship with Phil would always lead back to this moment when he hadn’t had the guts to kiss him. Dan mentally shook the thought away, now was not the time. 

They boarded their cart and once they rose into the air, the pulsing energy between them returned. What was it about this cart and this situation that made him want to kiss Phil so badly? And did Phil feel the same? Was that why there was this feeling between them? He resisted letting out a deep sigh and settled for looking out the window. 

The skyline was beautiful, he would probably never get sick of seeing it, or being here with Phil if he was really being honest with himself. These past two days with Phil had made him feel happier and more relaxed than he could remember being in he didn’t even know how long. Things with Samantha had never been great, even when things had started; they had only ever been okay, mediocre at best. Dan was well aware of the fact that their marriage was one of convenience for them both and a large amount of guilt from his parents. Spending time with Phil reminded him what it was like to really be happy again.

He felt Phil’s body warmth next to him and instinctually leaned into it. He knew better than to look towards him though, all too aware of how his body felt and what he wanted to do with him right now, so he knew that keeping his attention elsewhere would be best.

“I had a lot of fun today. I’m really glad you’re here.” 

Phil’s voice was low and soft and made Dan warm inside. He risked a glance and smiled at Phil, letting him know that he was glad too. He looked away before he could lean in like he wanted to, instead choosing to comment on how great the view was. Phil agreed quietly and they reached the ground before anything else could happen, Dan letting out a sigh of relief. 

The bus ride was quick and soon they were back at Phil’s house, Dan getting the customary tour and they were soon laying in Phil’s bed watching Wall-E. Dan felt the tension between them but did his best to ignore it. He kept his distance and kept his focus (or tried to) on the movie. 

Dan made it through the end of the movie, despite his body’s best attempts at making other things happen, and pretended to yawn widely. He crawled out of Phil’s bed and into his cot before Phil could offer to let him sleep in his.

“Good night, Dan,” Phil said quietly. 

“Night, Phil.” 

Dan closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and willed himself to sleep, ready to return home and maybe look at changing some things in his life.

**

The train. Again. Dan wanted to absolutely scream in frustration. His eyes shot open and when he caught the businessman’s eye, he glared at him, the man reeling back in surprise. He didn’t bother checking his phone, he knew there would be a text from Phil waiting for him. 

He pondered what his next move would be. Recreating the day obviously hadn’t gotten him anywhere. Yesterday he had done everything exactly right and he was still back here, so what was the point? He might as well do what he wanted. As soon as the idea crossed his mind, he had decided. He was just going to do whatever he wanted to today, since it didn’t seem to matter: he didn’t seem to be going home.

He could feel the train slowing down and stood quickly, not wanting to wait for the crowds. He found Phil quickly and went straight for hug, not bothering to say hi. 

“Hi, I’m happy to see you, too,” Phil said, laughing lightly. 

Dan pulled back and smiled widely, a bit brighter and more flirty than he was actually feeling, but ‘fuck it,’ he thought, ‘might as well give 18 year old Dan the day we had always wanted.’ 

He let Phil lead him to Starbucks and pushed in front of Phil, ordering and paying for both of them. The shocked look on Phil’s face made Dan giggle and when they had their drinks, they sat on their couch, Dan making sure to leave a little space between them, not wanting to come on too strong. 

“You didn’t need to pay,” Phil pouted. “I wanted to treat you to coffee since you had to get up so early.”

“You had to get up early, too. Besides, finally being here is more than enough for me.” The words, honest as they were, surprised Dan. They also made Phil pink in the cheeks, which made Dan smile into his cup. 

They finished with their drinks and Dan mentioned going to the Apple Store to take a photo, Phil agreeing eagerly. On their walk, Dan made a point to brush their arms and hands together at random, making the occasional flirtatious comment. His confidence seemed to catch Phil off-guard, who in every memory Dan had of this day had been the one who was a little extra flirty, a little over the top to make up for Dan’s shyness and quietness. Today they seemed to reverse roles, and Dan didn’t know if he liked it or not. He couldn’t deny that seeing Phil looking so bashful every time Dan would purposely let their hands brush or make an unnecessary innuendo was worth it.

They entered the Apple Store and got in line to take their DailyBooth photo, Dan formulating a plan for how he wanted to take the picture. When it was their turn, Phil leaned down to take the photo and Dan leaned in close, throwing an arm around him and smiling brightly at the camera. Phil clicked the button and Dan backed away to review the picture, flushing when he saw it. Phil was smiling at him, a look that could only be described as ‘adoring’ on his face. Dan looked happy and young, and they looked a lot like a young couple in love. 

The thought made Dan flush, and he pondered if they should post it, as surely it would get attention; there was only one type of idea you could gather from that picture. But it didn’t really matter, he thought. He was likely stuck here, so posting it wouldn’t really hurt anything.

“I love it,” he said softly. Phil’s answering smile was brilliant. 

“I do, too. Do you think we should post it?” he asked, a bit hesitant, apparently also aware of how the photo looked.

Dan nodded. “I think we should.” 

Phil didn’t wait any longer, working on logging into his profile and uploading the picture, Dan doing the same quickly after.

They walked around for a while, talking and flirting, Phil getting more relaxed and comfortable the more the day wore on.

“So, what next?” Dan asked around dinner time, not that he really needed to.

“I have dinner plans for us, but I’m not telling you where. It’s a surprise,” Phil said, waving his fingers in Dan’s face in what he thought was a spooky manner.

“Ohhh, so like a fancy date?” 

Phil balked a little, clearly surprised to have Dan put such a definitive label on things. Dan was about to take it back, say that he was just kidding, when Phil stood up a little taller and nodded his head.

“Yes. A _very_ fancy date, so prepare yourself, Howell.” 

Dan couldn’t help the grin spreading on his face. Never in a million years would he think he would be going on a date with Phil, even in whatever warped version of reality he was currently living in. 

They made their way to the Sky Bar, hands brushing with purpose this time. The ride up the elevator was filled with a new type of tension, both of the boys breaking out in slightly nervous giggles; Phil knocking his shoulder into Dan’s and smiling widely to show that even though things were maybe a little _different,_ it was still them.

They took their seats and ordered dinner and drinks, catching each other’s eyes every few seconds and breaking into giggles. Dan was sure they were annoying all the fancy rich people here trying to enjoy their fancy meals, but he really didn’t care. He was on a proper date with Phil; he almost felt delirious with happiness. Phil seemed to be feeling something along the same lines, constantly brushing his fingers or hands against Dan, a near constant smile on his face. The idea that they could have been so happy that first night they met, the knowledge that things could have maybe been different between them, made his chest ache a little, but he suppressed it and focused on Phil.

They made their way to the Manchester Eye after dinner like Dan knew they would, his nerves popping up again, but this time they were nerves of excitement. He wouldn’t let the evening end without kissing Phil. He was sure Phil felt the same that he did, but worst case scenario, he would just wake up on the train tomorrow and he wouldn’t ever have to sleep another night knowing he hadn’t tried.

They boarded their cart and Dan didn’t bother trying to keep space between them tonight. Their shoulders were pressed so close that Dan could feel it every time Phil took a deep breath. Phil was telling Dan some history about the city and Dan was humming along, having heard these stories far more times than he cared to admit. When they were at the top of the wheel, their cart paused to let other passengers in and they had a perfect view of the city. 

Dan knew this was the moment and before he could think too much about it, he turned to Phil, who was already turned towards him, seemingly with the same idea. They smiled at each other and Dan leaned forward, tipping his head up to meet the small height difference between them. Phil’s lips met his and it was everything he had always wanted it to be. 

Phil was warm, and his lips were soft and supple against Dan’s. They kissed gently at first, but after a moment the kiss grew a bit heated, the two pressed together, and Dan was being kissed better than he had been in his whole life. When Phil gave Dan’s lip a small bite and he let out an actual moan, Phil stopped, but kept his hands where they had taken up residency resting on Dan’s cheeks. 

“We should probably slow down a little,” Phil said quietly.

Dan pouted. Slowing down was the absolute last thing he wanted to do right now. He finally had Phil were he wanted, why in the world would he stop? But the look in Phil’s eyes was enough of an answer. He would never do something that Phil didn’t want, or would make him uncomfortable.

“Okay,” Dan said a bit hoarsely.

He went to back away, but Phil simply moved his hands to Dan’s waist. 

“I said slow down, I didn’t say stop,” he said cheekily.

Dan smiled in reply and put his lips back to Phil’s, where they stayed until their cart returned to the ground. They exited, both a little red faced but happy, and caught the bus back to Phil’s. When they arrived, Dan let Phil drag him around for the tour only because he knew the sooner they were finished, the sooner they could get in bed and he would be able to feel Phil’s lips on his again. 

They both got ready for bed and met back in Phil’s room, where Phil had Wall-E pulled up on the laptop. Dan slid into bed as close as he could to Phil and smiled coyly at him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of his nerves return. He was happy they had kissed, and certainly wanted to do more; he just hoped Phil wanted to, too. 

Phil’s answering smile and kiss put him at ease, though before Dan could progress things, Phil pulled away and told him to watch the movie in a faux stern voice. Dan laughed a little and turned to watch the film, even though Phil’s lips were far more interesting at the moment. 

When the film finished, Phil sat his laptop on the ground and pulled Dan towards him, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks. Dan blushed at the sweet gesture and hugged Phil close to him. Phil’s kisses soon started moving downward, pressing a little wetter and messier into Dan’s neck, making Dan whine. Phil pulled back, the opposite of what Dan wanted at that moment.

“Is this okay? Sorry, I didn’t really ask.” 

“Yes, Phil,” Dan said, pressing himself and his growing erection into Phil for emphasis, “it’s very okay.”

That seemed to be all the encouragement Phil needed, and he returned to Dan’s neck, kissing and biting lightly, making Dan feel light-headed. He shoved Dan’s shirt aside, moving his lips to Dan’s collarbone and sucking hard. The feeling went straight to Dan’s dick, his teenage hormones running rampant. He whined again, louder this time, incredibly thankful that Phil’s parents were gone. Phil pulled back, seemingly satisfied with his work on the bruise, and Dan pulled Phil’s lips to his. The kiss was messy and uncoordinated, but so hot that Dan had to press his legs together to keep from coming in his pants like the teenager he technically was.

“Wait,” Dan said, stopping the kiss a little breathlessly.

Phil pulled back but looked confused.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m - I just don’t want -” Phil seemed to understand though. 

“Are you just a little excited?” he asked cheekily, hand ghosting over Dan’s throbbing cock. Dan keened loudly, the barest touch enough to make him twitch in his pants.

“God, yes. I just don’t want to come already.” 

“What if I want you to come, though?” Phil touched Dan again; this time the pressure real and very much what Dan and his dick wanted.

“God,” Dan moaned, unable to say anything else. 

He moved his hips upwards into Phil’s palm and Phil started rubbing with purpose. Dan pulled him into a kiss and let the pleasure roll over him in waves. He couldn’t remember feeling this good in so long. He and Samantha never had sex. He could probably count the times on both hands in their three years of marriage and two years of dating. He usually resorted to a lonely wank while he showered, and he could practically kick himself that he could have been having this the whole time instead. 

He didn’t last long, like he knew he wouldn’t, and when he came he nearly blacked out. Phil shook him a little to keep him from falling asleep, and Dan sat up quickly. He was tired, but he was definitely not ready for the night to be over. He leaned into Phil and started kissing him again while moving his hands to Phil’s waistband. 

“This okay?” Dan asked quietly, taking his lead from Phil. 

Phil nodded and Dan snuck his hand in, surprised to find a lack of underwear. Phil was hard and hot in Dan’s hand, and Dan couldn’t believe he almost fell asleep before he got to the best part of the evening. He moved his hand over Phil like he liked, and the few random guys in uni that he had hooked up with had liked, and was not disappointed. Phil groaned lowely and threw his head back onto the pillow. Dan smirked happily and kept working until he could feel Phil tensing underneath him, hear the breathy noises he was trying to keep in, and seconds later his hand inside of Phil’s pajamas was covered. 

Once they had both gotten cleaned up and changed, they climbed back into bed together. Phil tugged Dan so that his back was pressed to Phil’s chest and their legs were intertwined. 

“I’m really happy you’re here,” Phil said quietly. 

Dan had heard him say this before, but tonight felt different. Dan turned in Phil’s arms. 

“I am, too.”

They didn’t say anything else, just pressed light kisses to each other’s lips and cheeks until Phil fell asleep mid-kiss. Dan cuddled against him and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to start over tomorrow, but at least he knew he could have another night like tonight tomorrow.

**

When Dan woke up, he was hot. Far too hot to be comfortable. Probably due to the limbs that were wrapped tightly around him, attached to the body that was producing heat like a furnace. Dan’s first thought was ‘Samantha must have a fever, she’s burning up. Also, why is she cuddling me?’ before the previous days events came back to him. Why wasn’t he on the train? 

He opened his eyes and was met with a vaguely familiar room, though not the one he expected to be in. The walls were white, but covered with a few posters and pieces of art that he hadn’t seen in years. Dan glanced down and was shocked to see that he was still covered in the same duvet he had fallen asleep in. Where was he? He started to get up, temporarily forgetting about the mystery person in bed with him, causing them to pull Dan closer to them and grumble about being woken up so early.

Dan yelped when he was pulled back and he yerked away from the set of arms, turning around quickly. The person lying in bed looked up at him with an annoyed expression.

“What are you yelling about so early in the morning?” Phil said, rubbing his eyes. 

It was Phil, except it was another different Phil. Based off of his haircut and the bedroom, Dan guessed it was somewhere in 2011. Why had he come here instead of home? What was going on? Why was he in Phil’s bed? Phil still seemed to be waiting for an answer, but Dan was temporarily dumb-founded. 

“Uh - bad dream?” he said lamely.

Phil raised his eyebrows, but didn’t say anything else about it. 

“Okay. Do you wanna go back to bed, or do you wanna get up?” 

Back to bed? So this wasn’t just some random thing? Dan at least semi-regularly slept in here? Dan’s mind was moving a mile a minute, trying figure out what the fuck was going on, but was coming up with nothing, as usual.

“Can we just get up?” Dan asked quietly. 

Phil looked like he would have loved nothing more than to go back to bed and sleep for six more hours, but he nodded and got out of bed. Dan followed hesitantly behind as Phil went into the kitchen and started making coffee for them. Dan glanced around and recognized Phil’s Manchester apartment, though there are obvious traces of him all around. Phil handed him a mug and Dan followed him to the living room.

“Are you okay? You’re being really quiet,” Phil said, sipping his coffee.

“Uh -” Dan said eloquently.

He wasn’t sure if he _was_ okay. He couldn’t for the life of him figure out why this was happening to him again, and he was confused and maybe even a little scared. 

“It’s just a bad dream, it’s okay,” Phil said, rubbing his knee gently.

The touch made Dan tense a little, but Phil didn’t seem to notice. He moved his hand back to his coffee and took another large sip. Why was Phil touching him like that? He remembered staying with Phil before they had moved in together, but they had never shared a bed, and Phil had certainly never touched him like that. 

The night before came back to him as soon as the thought entered his mind. Phil _had_ touched him like that, and much more intimate ways before, but that wasn’t real, though. Hadn’t that just been some warped reality, just like this surely was? 

Dan glanced over at Phil, who was playing some random app on his phone, and decided to test his budding theory out. He moved himself into Phil’s space and leaned in and kissed Phil. The kiss took Phil by surprise, mostly because he hadn’t been paying attention, but once he realized what was going on, kissed back with enthusiasm. Dan felt a pleasant zing of pleasure roll through his body as Phil nipped at his lip, a reminder of the night before. Before his body could respond like it fully wanted, Phil leant back.

“What’s gotten into you this morning? You usually never let me kiss you until I’ve brushed my teeth.” 

Another reminder of the apparent casual affection between them in this reality. Phil pouted a little, as if to emphasize how stupid he thought that rule was. 

Dan shrugged. “I just felt like kissing you,” he said.

This was hardly a lie, though it wasn’t the entire truth. He still had no idea why everything was happening, or how these two timelines seemed to have morphed themselves together, but he could hardly complain about a reality where he got to just kiss Phil whenever he wanted. Phil shrugged, unworried about it, and leaned in for another quick kiss.

“I would love to spend all morning making out with you, but you need to revise. You have your exam tomorrow and you made me promise to not let you get distracted.”

Dan felt a leaden weight drop into his stomach. 

The day before his exam resit had been a nightmare. He had revised and revised and spent the whole day wrestling with the idea of dropping out. At one point, he had even snuck into the bathroom and cried because he was so confused and frustrated, but didn’t want to take it out on Phil. He knew that Phil would have been understanding and comforting, but there was something embarrassing and childlike in not being able to get through a revision session without crying that made Dan’s stomach squirm with embarrassment. 

“Oh, yeah, I forgot that was today.” 

Phil just nodded and gave his knee a gentle pat.

“I’ll make you some cereal and you can get started, okay?” 

Dan nodded a bit woodenly, knowing words wouldn’t come to him even if he wanted them to. 

Once he had finished the bowl of cereal that Phil brought him, he retrieved the pile of books that apparently he had been hiding under Phil’s bed. Staring at the text of a law book brought the same sense of dread and detachment that he had associated with his profession. He knew that if he were to really resit the exam, he probably could without revising: he used his law degree in his real life, and the knowledge that he had (unfortunately) gained all these years was still in his mind. But the idea of revising and sitting an exam that would lead him to the future that he normally lived in made him feel nauseated. 

It wouldn’t be a huge stretch for him to say he disliked, maybe even hated, his life. His job made him miserable, he couldn’t stand his co-workers, his wife didn’t even like him and he wasn’t even sure how _he_ felt about _her_ , and nothing really even made him happy anymore. 

The past few days with Phil had been the happiest and most content days he had in years. What did that mean though? Was he supposed to just live in this endless time loop with Phil? And if he even managed to get home, what was he supposed to do? He hadn’t properly spoken to Phil in years, and he highly doubted he would believe that Dan suddenly had some interest in being friends, or especially something more, when they hadn’t talked in almost five years. 

Phil seemed to notice he wasn’t getting much done and sat down next to him on the sofa.

“How’s it going?” he asked gently.

Dan looked at him and felt like he could sob. He felt a lot like he had that exact night: confused, overwhelmed, and unsure, but for a lot of different reasons this time. He thought about excusing himself and going to the bathroom like he used to, but that was the total opposite of what he wanted. He just wanted Phil to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay, even if it might not be.

He leaned into Phil, who he wrapped his arms around Dan without a word. When Dan was tucked securely into Phil’s embrace, he felt himself start to break down a little. It started slow, just a few tears rolling down his eyes, and then before he could stop himself he was full on sobbing into Phil’s chest, likely ruining the cotton of Phil’s t-shirt. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I know you’re stressed, but it’s okay,” he said softly, running his hands up and down Dan’s spine soothingly, “you can just take a break for a bit and then you can try again. You don’t have to do it all in one sitting. It’s okay.” 

Dan sat back and tried to stop crying.

“I just - I don’t know - I don’t know if I _want_ to study law. Or if want to go to university!” 

Dan ended the sentence with another sob, shoving his face back into Phil’s chest, ashamed of the confession. Phil didn’t speak for a moment, just let Dan cry and rubbed his back.

“Well, you don’t have to. You could do YouTube full time.” 

Dan sat back again, a bit shocked by the suggestion. Dan hadn’t thought about YouTube in ages. He hadn’t even told anyone about it since he started Uni, and by the time he graduated, his channel had long since been dormant and collecting dust. He remembered it though. The excitement of making videos, and the thrill of creating. It truly was the opposite of what he was doing with his life now, but therein also laid the problem: Youtube was a gamble, through and through. You never knew if people would like what you uploaded, or if your subscriber count would suddenly plummet. Having a steady job meant a steady paycheck and stability. 

“I wouldn’t have anywhere to live though, I wouldn’t be able to live in the dorms. And what about money?” 

Phil looked offended, giving him a playful shove.

“Do you really think I would just let my boyfriend live on the streets, Dan?” 

Dan felt a thrill travel through his entire body at the word ‘boyfriend.’ He smiled despite himself, knowing that this was hardly the first time this timeline’s Dan had heard it, but it was his first time.

“And we can make things work. YouTube pays. If you aren’t going to uni, you can properly focus on your channel and become a partner. And I’m sure my parents can help out with anything else we can’t afford. They love you, after all.”

Dan’s cheeks burnt at this. The thought that he had met Phil’s parents and they apparently liked him, especially enough to help him live with Phil, was a heady thought. 

Dan was still unsure, though. He didn’t know if he had enough guts to completely change his course of life for something that could easily tank. It was not a far cry that YouTube could just turn out to be some passing fad and both he and Phil could be out of a job with no money, and he would have no other prospects. At least Phil had a degree to his name.

“Can I sleep on it?” Dan asked quietly.

He knew this would likely end up with him starting the day back over, and who knows how many times over again, but he needed that tonight. The decision felt real; it felt big and serious, and he didn’t think he could make it tonight.

“Of course. Does that mean you want to stop revising? Will you just decide if you want to go in the morning?”

Dan nodded, knowing that the odds of him reaching the real next morning were unlikely. 

“Okay. Lets just hang out and play some Crash, or something.” 

Dan agreed, but moved to lay against Phil rather than move to get a controller. Phil didn’t seem to mind though, as he held him and moved his hand to card through Dan’s hair. Dan hummed in contentment. This was where he wanted to be, curled up with Phil; it didn’t matter where he was or what his career was, he just wanted to be with Phil. That seemed to be what this whole experience was showing him. He wasn’t sure how he managed so long without seeing him or talking to him, but it didn’t really matter now; he was here with Phil now.

Dan eventually got up and they played video games and cooked dinner together, talking and laughing and teasing all the while. When it was time for bed, Dan didn’t hesitate to climb into bed alongside Phil and curl up with him. Phil let him snuggle in close and kissed the top of his head.

“Night, Dan. Everything is gonna work out.”

“I know,” Dan agreed quietly.

He closed his eyes and let himself drift off, prepared to try and make some real decisions in the morning.

**

Dan opened his eyes and felt a small bit of confusing relief to find himself in the same bedroom. He turned over in bed and found the same Phil from yesterday, sprawled out on the tiny bit of bed left. Dan smiled, leaning over and peppering kisses across his face to get him to wake up. It took a few seconds before Phil stirred and responded with a groan, but he soon started giving kisses back in kind. Their lips met and Dan deepened the kisses, sliding his body closer to Phil’s. Phil gave a little moan at the intensity of the kiss, but before Dan could take things further, he pulled back.

“What’s gotten into you this morning?” he asked, eyes bright and a smile on his face.

“I just want to kiss you. Is that okay?” 

“More than okay,” Phil said, pulling Dan back in for another kiss.

They laid in bed for another hour, kissing until they were both out of breath, and then Phil ducked below the covers and shimmied down Dan’s boxers, taking Dan in his mouth and making Dan see stars. He whined and moaned, pulling at the sheets and Phil’s hair until he came without warning, Phil swallowing around him, making him shudder. When he came down, he tugged Phil upwards and kissed him greedily, sliding his hand into Phil’s pajamas and getting his hand around Phil’s leaking cock. He pulled and twisted his wrist, and soon Phil was biting into his shoulder and shuddering as he came over Dan’s fist. Phil laid back down and pressed kisses to Dan’s face, making him giggle at the ticklish sensation. 

“We need to get up. We need showers now, and you need to start revising,” Phil murmured into Dan’s shoulder.

Dan didn’t reply at first, trying to organize his thoughts. He had thought a lot about it yesterday. He wasn’t sure how or why things were happening, but he thought that the decision he made today could possibly change things and he knew he had to take it seriously. He had weighed his options and thought about his life at home, and the life he seemed to be living now. It was obvious what was making him happier, but he had to be sure he was willing to possibly risk his future on it. When he really thought about it, though, the decision turned out to be pretty easy.

“I want to quit uni and just do YouTube. I want to make that my job, really focus on it.”

He waited with bated breath for Phil’s response. Phil looked surprised, but the look soon melted into happiness.

“I think that’s great. Uni was making you miserable and I think if you really put some effort into it, your channel could be really great. And don’t worry about money, I know that my parents will help with anything we need. They love you and want to support us both. I’m so happy you’re doing this. I think it’s gonna be really great.”

Phil’s enthusiasm and support made Dan want to cry again, but this time in happiness. Why hadn’t he done this in the first place? He really was an idiot when he was younger.

They got up and made coffee and breakfast, lounging around for a bit. Phil eventually dragged Dan into the shower, the promise of a handjob the only thing that really got him moving. They took turns lathering each other up and pressing each other into the cold tiles of the shower wall. They stayed in until the water started running cold, and they had to sprint to the bedroom to get towels since Phil forgot to bring them in after doing the wash.

The day was fun: relaxed and laid back, but there was no denying that even doing nothing but laying around with Phil was still fun. It made Dan excited to see if there would be another timeline with Phil he got to see, and if not, he was perfectly fine with getting to relive this day with Phil over and over again. Dan wasn’t worried when bed time came, and he cuddled up to Phil and closed his eyes.

**

Hot. Why was he so freaking hot? He could feel arms around him, the source of heat. 

He blinked his eyes awake and he found himself face to face with a different version of Phil. This Phil was easy to recognize as 2012 Phil, a little older, his fringe a little shorter. Dan glanced around and saw that they were in the Manchester apartment they had moved into together before Phil had decided to move to London and Dan had moved back into the dorms. 

Dan took them being in bed together as a good sign, so he snuggled into Phil’s chest and didn’t worry about getting up for the moment. The movement stirred Phil awake, and he clutched Dan closer to him. Phil stretched his long limbs out and let out a long whine. 

“Morning, Danny,” he said, planting on a kiss on Dan’s head. Dan shoved him a little, always hating that nickname.

“Morning,” Dan replied. 

He pressed a kiss to Phil’s lips and pulled away, all too aware of how these mornings went if he had his way. 

“What are the plans for the day?” Dan asked, trying to get a grasp on what they usually did, and what their lives were like in this timeline.

“Well, I have a video to edit, and I think you said you were gonna try and write a script for one. Other than that, we don’t really have anything going on. We could probably just lounge for a while and maybe order in some takeaway for dinner.”

Dan nodded. It sounded simple enough, but why had he been brought back to this day? 

They got out of bed and Phil made them coffee and Dan made toast. Phil turned on an anime that they had apparently been watching and Dan couldn’t really understand what was going on, so he simply looked through his laptop at his video idea folder and his scripts.

He was happy to see his channel was doing well and the YouTube gamble really had paid off. He couldn’t help smiling knowing that he had made the right decision. The reason behind this whole thing seemed to be coming together a little more, though Dan still didn’t know why or even how it was possible.

Phil edited his video with headphones on, staying quiet and concentrated, but keeping his feet pressed against Dan’s thighs the whole time as if to let him know that he was there, even if he couldn’t give him his full attention. When he finished, he sat down his laptop and headphones and rubbed his eyes. Dan put down his own devices and sat closer, placing a hand on Phil’s thigh.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just have a bit of a headache.” 

Dan stood and fetched some paracetamol from the bathroom and a glass of water and brought them to Phil. He accepted them gratefully and took the pills quickly. He tugged Dan onto the cushion next to him and hugged him tightly.

“Thank you. You’re really great, and I love you a lot.” 

Dan felt a thrill run through him. Love. They obviously were at the stage in their relationship; if things were going the way Dan thought they were, they would have been together for around three years now. Of course they loved each other. The thought made something warm settle in Dan’s chest, knowing that Phil loved him, and knowing that he really meant it, that he wasn’t just saying it because he felt he had to; because if he knew anything about Phil, he didn’t do or say anything he didn’t want to, or didn’t feel.

“I love you, too.” 

The words felt a little foreign on his lips, but he realized that he absolutely found them to be true. He had loved Phil as a friend, and he always thought that friendship could have been something more, and it was. Without a doubt, he was sure that he loved Phil, and it made him so happy he wanted to shout about it.

“So, there is something I’ve been wanting to talk to you about,” Phil said hesitantly.

Dan pulled out of Phil’s embrace and stared at him. What was this about, was Phil going to break up with him? Was he really going to have happiness given to him and then ripped from him so suddenly?

“Uh - okay?” 

Phil seemed to sense how apprehensive he was and smiled a little nervously.

“It’s nothing bad. At least I don’t think so. I think it’s something really good. It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot, and I want to know what you think.”

Dan nodded, letting him know to continue, though he was still nervous.

“I’ve been thinking about moving to London. Both of us, obviously. I think it would be really good for us for YouTube, and it would give us some independence that we need from my parents. I thought about it for a long time, but I want you to come with me. What do you think?”

Dan remembered the conversation they originally had. It had been similar to this, but it had been more of a fight. Dan had been upset that Phil would consider leaving Manchester, Phil had been mad that Dan _wouldn’t_ consider leaving, especially when uni was making him so miserable and he had a chance to start over. To possibly transfer to a different university or quit uni all together like Dan had desperately wanted, but didn’t have the guts to do. The beginning of the end of their friendship had started with that conversation.

Dan knew he didn’t want to make the same mistake twice. London was another gamble, but he knew that Phil had done well for himself there, and he had no real reason to think that they couldn’t do even better together.

“Okay. Let’s move to London.”

Phil looked floored by Dan’s response, like he had fully intended on it being a no, or possibly even a fight.

“Are you serious?” he asked, a grin so wide it looked like it was hurting his face.

“Yes. I mean, it’s probably gonna be hard at first. London is expensive and far away, but we can do it. I love you and I want to do this together.”

Phil kissed him suddenly, knocking the air out of Dan’s lungs and pressing him into the couch. When Dan had a chance to come up for air he let out a giggle.

“I take it you’re happy?” Dan asked, staring up at Phil. 

“Extremely,” Phil said, kissing Dan again.

They laid together on the couch for what felt like hours, making out lazily and whispering soft nothings to each other. They eventually got up and ordered dinner like Phil had mentioned, far more Indian takeaway than either of them really needed, but tonight it felt like a celebration. Phil even broke out a bottle of fancy wine his parents had gotten him for his last birthday, and when they clinked their glasses together, Phil said, ‘To us,’ making Dan roll his eyes, but still blush and smile all the same.

Dan was a little tipsy when he climbed into bed later that night, but mostly just completely happy with how the night had gone. Things felt right, felt settled, in a way that he couldn’t explain, and when he fell asleep that night, Phil secured tightly in his arms and snoring lightly, he felt like maybe the universe was finally going to right itself, and this time he really was ready for it.

**

A gentle hand was shaking him awake. He swatted at it, wanting to cling to the wonderful dream he had been having. He wasn’t ready to go back to the reality of working at a law firm, or Samantha. He just wanted to imagine that he was still happy and with Phil.

“Dan get up, we’re out of milk and I don’t want to go down to the shops by myself,” came a familiar, albeit whiny, voice. 

Dan sat up from his spot in bed and squinted up at Phil. It was the same Phil he had run into the other day at the shops, though his glasses were a bit lopsided and his quiff looked to be the product of bed head rather than styling. Dan looked around the room and didn’t recognize the place at all. There were objects in the bedroom he could see that would clearly belong to him, shoes and clothes and such, but nothing from his current life that made him feel like he was for sure back in reality. 

“Okay, just give me a second,” he said, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Phil watched him with a fond expression and when Dan caught him, he didn’t say anything, just kept staring.

“You ready now, sleeping beauty?” 

Dan scowled at him, but got up and pulled on a shirt and a pair of joggers. He followed Phil out of the room and was surprised by the apartment they apparently lived in. It was sleek and modern and Dan loved it. He had always wanted a place like this, rather than the two story cookie cutter house Samantha had insisted they buy. There were knick knacks all around and art decorating several surfaces. Dan loved it and could see why they had chosen it. 

They walked down to the shop that was around the corner from their apartment, and when Phil complained that he needed coffee that very second, they stopped by a Starbucks across the street. Dan suspected that might have been at least part of Phil’s reasoning for picking that apartment. When they finished up and returned, Phil went into the kitchen to put away the milk and Dan followed, feeling a bit like a lost puppy.

“We need to edit that gaming video, and then don’t forget that we have the cake tasting this afternoon.”

“Cake tasting?” Dan said questioningly.

“Yeah, remember we made an appointment at that bakery you liked. _Someone_ has to pick out a cake for our wedding, Dan,” he said, laughing.

Wedding? It was then that Dan noticed the simple silver band on Phil’s left finger. How had he gone that whole morning and not noticed that? The thought that they were getting married made Dan feel a lot of things. Excitement, happiness, and a little bit of apprehension. He spent years being married and he hated it. But looking at Phil rooting around in their cupboards, assumingly for sweets, eased a lot of his worries. He loved Phil, properly loved Phil, and marrying him would only make him happier. 

He got up and wrapped his arms around Phil’s waist. Phil stopped his sweets quest and hugged Dan’s arms.

“I love you,” Dan said quietly, still not used to saying it.

“I love you, too, dork,” Phil laughed. 

He patted his arm and moved out of the embrace.

“I’m gonna go edit. You can join if you want, or you can work on your next video or just hang out.”

Phil gave him a quick kiss and headed up the stairs where Dan assumed there was some sort of computer to edit on. He wandered around the apartment for a while, exploring and discovering what their life was like now. It felt surreal to see nine years worth of memories condensed into one home, but somehow they had managed it. 

Dan eventually went up the same set of stairs he saw Phil going up and found him in a room with a futon and sound tiles on the wall, hunched over a PC, editing. Dan sat in the chair next to him and Phil took off his headphones, pulling Dan’s chair closer to kiss him.

“How’s it going?” Dan asked, extremely curious what a ‘gaming video’ consisted of.

“Good, I’m almost done.” 

Dan watched as Phil edited and pulled clips together, forever impressed with his knowledge. When he was finished, Phil had Dan watch it through to make sure he liked it, and Dan spent the next 20 minutes wrapped up in their dynamic, genuinely laughing and surprised at how easy it was to sense their chemistry. He wasn’t stupid, he knew they had done collabs in the past, but this was really something else: they openly flirted and didn’t bother putting any space between them. It was fascinating to see just how well they worked with each other. 

When Phil made a particularly dramatic hand movement, Dan caught a flash of silver ring on the screen and he paused the video.

“You’re wearing your ring. Does our audience know we’re engaged?”

Phil gave him a strange look.

“Yeah, they’ve known for quite a while. We didn’t try to hide it when we got engaged. I’ve always worn it. Are you feeling okay? Did you, like, hit your head or something?” 

Dan shook his head a little and resumed the video. He was surprised by how nice it felt for people to know they were together, at least to some degree. Phil had said they weren’t trying to hide it, so maybe they hadn’t made a big announcement, although wearing an engagement ring kind of _was_ an announcement. When he was younger, and when he was married to Samantha, he felt like he had to hide the not straight that part of himself, and he was relieved to know that with Phil he didn’t have to do that anymore.

“I think the video is great. I love it.” 

Phil smiled, giving him another kiss. Phil uploaded it and, when it was ready, tweeted it out before dragging Dan out into the living room to watch tv until their cake tasting appointment. Dan stayed quiet, trying to absorb all of the new things that this new life brought with it, and Phil let him. They cuddled and relaxed until it was time to leave and Phil forced Dan to put on something more appropriate than joggers on, causing him to grumble and groan. 

The bakery was adorable, ran by a tiny older couple who doted on them, bringing them every variety of cake they had, and Phil was in heaven. In the end, they settled on red velvet with a vanilla cream filling after going rounds and rounds about the benefits of chocolate vs vanilla cake. They left the bakery feeling full and a little intoxicated on sugar, and walked for a few blocks to try and work off some of their excess energy. 

“Productive day, don’t you think?” Phil said, taking Dan’s hand in his. The casual touch made Dan feel like he was practically glowing. 

“It was great,” he said simply.

They walked for a while until they were both complaining that their legs were tired and that they had gotten their exercise in for the day, and then caught a cab home. When they arrived, Phil made them a simple dinner of spaghetti bolognese and they each had a glass of wine. Dan helped Phil clean up dinner and they returned to the lounge to watch a movie. Phil filled their glasses again, and by the end of his second glass, Dan was feeling warm and fuzzy and definitely needed to be a lot closer to Phil than he was.

He sat down his glass of wine and removed Phil’s glass from his hand before climbing into his lap. Phil hummed happily and gripped tightly onto Dan’s hips.

“Well, hello,” Phil said, voice lowering an octave. 

Dan smiled, but worked on leaving a trail of kisses all the way down Phil’s neck. Phil arched into the kiss, pulling Dan closer to him on his lap. Dan found a spot he liked and sucked deeply, causing Phil to groan loudly in his ear. The sound encouraged him to leave several more in a row. Phil was panting by the time Dan was satisfied, and when he pulled back, Phil immediately brought his mouth to his. The kiss was possibly the hottest thing Dan had ever experienced and he felt no shame when he moaned against Phil’s mouth and started grinding in his lap.

“Lets go. Bedroom, now.” 

Phil swatted him lightly to get him to move and Dan obliged instantly. Phil pulled them into the bedroom and Dan barely had time to get his bearings before Phil was pushing him down onto the bed and pulling his pants off. Dan’s shirt went next and Dan eagerly grabbed at Phil’s clothing, wanting him to be just as naked. Phil chuckled and obliged, standing up and removing his own shirt and jeans. The obvious tent in his boxers made Dan’s own erection throb a little and he made grabby hands at Phil, wanting to move things along. 

Phil grabbed something out of the bedside drawer and moved to lay partially on top of Dan. They kissed more and Dan worked on trying to get his hand inside Phil’s boxers. Phil groaned at the contact and let Dan work him for a moment before moving away and starting to remove Dan’s boxers. Dan lifted his hips to help and when they were off, Dan soon felt the cool tip of Phil’s lube-covered finger tracing his rim. Dan whined and moved his hips towards the feeling, encouraging Phil to hurry. Phil took the hint and inserted his finger, not bothering to drag out the prep, for which Dan was thankful. When he was ready, Phil hovered over him and slowly entered, making the air leave Dan’s lungs.

It was so much better than Dan could have imagined. Not only the sex, which was incredible, but also being connected with Phil in such an intimate way that made Dan feel a bit emotional. He pulled Phil in for a kiss, not really caring that it threw off his rhythm. Phil kissed him the best he could and worked on getting his tempo back. He adjusted and brushed against Dan’s prostate, making Dan moan loudly. Phil focused on that spot and soon Dan was coming with just a few tugs from Phil’s hand to push him over. Phil followed after just a couple of thrusts, pulling out and painting Dan’s already coated tummy. 

Phil collapsed next to him for a moment before getting up and fetching a wet rag to clean Dan up with. He tossed it in the laundry and pulled Dan close to him.

“I love you,” Dan murmured quietly. 

Phil pressed a kiss to his head and hugged him tightly.

“I love you, too. Don’t forget to set your alarm. We have a meeting in the morning at ten, and I know you won’t wake up before noon if you don’t.”

Dan grumbled, making no move for his phone, thinking that it wouldn’t really matter: he would likely be reliving today anyway. He hadn’t had to make any decisions, and he hadn’t lived this day before, but he wasn’t about to pretend that he knew what the fuck the universe had in store.

“Dan. Do it,” Phil said, giving him a gentle poke in the back. Dan whined loudly, but grabbed his phone and set an alarm.

“There. Happy?” he pouted. 

Phil nodded and pulled him back into an embrace. Dan wrapped his arms around him and let out a happy sigh. He fell asleep quickly, before he could give much thought about what tomorrow would bring.

 

**  
Dan was dreaming. Well, he knew he was asleep, so at least he figured he was, but it felt like watching a movie on fast forward. Flashes of moments were coming to him in high speed, but he somehow was retaining it all. There he was in Manchester with Phil, but this time it was winter and he was meeting Phil’s parents. Cut to a Jamaican beach when the sun was setting with Phil’s hand in his, moving into their Manchester flat, moving into a different flat in London, and traveling to so many places it made Dan’s head spin even in his sleep. There he was down on one knee next to a seaside cliff on a stormy winter day, proposing to Phil, and then moving into their current apartment, and so many other tiny memories in between that Dan’s brain was fit to burst with all the new information. Then everything slowly faded a little and he fell back into a peaceful sleep, almost forgetting it had happened.

‘Stupid alarm,’ was Dan’s next thought. He made no move to shut it off, wanting to sleep more, but being too lazy to hit snooze until an arm hit him lightly in the back. He didn’t move until he felt the arm hit him again.

“Dan,” Phil’s gravelly voice filled his ear, “turn your damn alarm off.” 

Dan’s eyes shot open and he grabbed his phone to shut off the alarm labeled ‘stupid meeting’ that he had set last night. Was it really possible he was in the next morning? The memories from last night rushed back to him, and he had to control the urge to shout with happiness. He rolled over and shook Phil, whose eyes were still determinedly shut.

“Phil, wake up! We have a meeting at ten, right?” 

Phil blinked away and squinted at him.

“Yes. God, why are you yelling so early in the morning?”

Dan could scream he was so happy. Or maybe cry, or perhaps both. He tackled Phil unceremoniously, making him grunt in surprise. 

“What’s gotten into you this morning?” Phil asked once he had gotten his breath back.

“Nothing, I’m just happy. Let’s go to our meeting, yeah?”

He pulled Phil out of their bed and into the kitchen. Phil made them coffee and they got ready quickly, then headed out for their meeting. 

Phil kept shooting Dan glances every now and then but, Dan just smiled each time, knowing he wouldn't be able to explain why he was so happy. This was really his life; he got to keep this life, got to keep Phil, and no words could explain the joy that was bursting from him. 

He no longer felt like a visitor in his own life: he was an enthusiastic participant, and he was determined to not live his life in a way that he would need a second chance from the universe again.

**Author's Note:**

> like/reblog on [tumblr](http://tobieallison.tumblr.com/post/178499440691/permanent-vacation) if you like :)


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